Its always been a problem. I’m terrible with women. I was watching Vikings and one of the characters basically says to a woman he is attempting to seduce: “I have never had any luck with women…so why would you be any different”. I completely identified with this statement.
I’ve had a few problems in my life that I have solved. How to invest…solved problem. How to work towards goals through habits…solved problem. How to be a genius…can’t say I’ve solved it but I’m pretty sure I’m very close. But women…I’m not even sure how or where to start.
There is the dating advice…that is garbage. There is the PUA advice and that too is garbage. So what do you do? Not really sure what works. Whatever does work has to be nearly opposite to whatever it is that I’m doing. There are things though that I do believe:
You Must Leave the House
Its quite possible that there are men (e.g. Hugh Hefner) who have managed to meet gorgeous women without ever leaving their houses but I think in the overwhelming majority of cases you will not meet a women at home. I would argue that you probability of meeting a woman is directly proportional to the amount of time you spent not at home.
If possible be with Friends and even better friends more social than you are
I would argue that your probability of meeting a woman is somewhat a multilinear function of two variables: amount of time spent outside of the house, the number of friends you are with when you aren’t at home. For example, if you got out alone your probability of meeting someone is x. If you were to got out twice as much but still alone your probability is 2x. But another way to get to, 2x, is to just go out with a friend instead of going out alone twice as much. The reason is that you will meet twice as many people with a friend there since you meet all the people you will meet, as well as the people your friend will meet. If you have two friends that makes things even better.
Obviously this only works if your friends don’t hang around you the whole night. So go out with friends that are socially bold. They will tend to meet more people that you will and you will get introduced to those people
Have lots of friends
Cold approach is rarely successful in my view. This implies warm approach is preferred. But there is only really one way to approach warmly and that is to be introduced by someone you already know. Hence friends are important. The more friends, the better since there is no other way for you to warmly approach other people.
The above are things I’m pretty sure are true. But I have some more speculative ideas:
Your a stranger the first time you meet…but after some time goes by you are someone she knows
The first time you meet a woman you are a stranger. Don’t expect her to be nice to you and feel free to treat her the way you would treat any of you guy friends. She is nothing special. But something really weird happens after time passes. People think they “know” you. You aren’t a stranger anymore. So you might work with someone 8 hours a day for two weeks. They treat you like a stranger. Despite the fact that you have spend 80 hours together.
But meet her once for a few hours. And then a few days later for a few hours. And then a month later for a few hours. And then a year later for a few hours. And then 2 years later for a few hours more. And now you are suddenly this guy “she knows”. You aren’t a stranger. Why?
Because time has gone by and somehow that makes a difference. Even though in total duration terms you haven’t spent a great deal of time with her. She know feels she knows you because she has known of you for a few years…not two weeks. Thus initial meetings are often completely unimportant. And there are tonnes of stories you will hear of people who met and thought nothing of each other initially and then years later they somehow connected.
Stand out and be a little Bold
My friend told me a story. He as in a class and he was bored. He had this remote controlled car and he realized that if he drove the car with a banana on it and attached to a string on the roof of the school, the car would stop as it hit the edge of the roof and the banana would fly off due to inertia through the air. Since it was attached to a string the banana would curve down in an arc and if you calculated just right he could get the banana to go through the open window of the class.
So he left a car on the roof of his school with a few bananas on it. It was a hot day and the car and bananas were in the sun for a while. When he got to the class he decided to try his trick and he expected a few bananas would come through the window of the school.
Now at the point he did this the whole class was really bored and the teacher was in the middle of some boring talk and everyone was kind of zoned out. What ended up happening was that the bananas very suddenly came through the window as the teacher was talking and kind of just exploded everywhere. It was a mess much bigger than the student anticipated and it was really sudden.
After that moment my friend was super popular. Everyone liked him … even the teacher. And of course girls liked him.
Of course this only works in closed bubbles. How to do it in other environments is a good question. But the fact remains, if you do something a little different and you are bold…you can often gain a great deal of popularity.